They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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