Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
