Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
