her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
