I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i will never coherently bang her
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i think im in europe. pls send help
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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