end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
