i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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