I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
