it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
