Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
