Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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