Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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