Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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