as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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