where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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