Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I don't deserve a penis
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
