I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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