i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
