were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
