I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
