Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
When did angry sex become our thing?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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