Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
