I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
