i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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