fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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