I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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