Just cropdusted the office
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
