I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Randomize
