Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
