It's like God shit irony all over that family
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Come share oat with me in your robe
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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