I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
