I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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