Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So vagazzling was a success
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
