of course. lets lasso hookers.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
