Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
