once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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