I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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