we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
