Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
