I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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