i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Randomize
