you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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