Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
