I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
