That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
