I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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