so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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