I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
