thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
