sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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