obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
