It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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