PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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